Rants from a MAD Pelican

The MicroFiction Muse #10

2011-06-08T13:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Ho Ranters!

I could not resist this Micro Fiction Muse on Diane Estrella's site! So, without further ado, here is the picture and my 140 characters. Be sure to stop by Diane's site to participate.

I can’t believe they wore those uniforms! Their derrieres are more defined in black! I think the players really don’t care about the fans!

Saturday Centus -- The Making of Jack-o-lanterns!

2010-10-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hi Ho Ranters!

Yes, I know I've been doing more Centus than ranting! Well, get over it!

So, here is the promo:

This is part of Jenny Matlock's Saturday Centus.

The prompt this week, is this picture:

Here are my 100 words:

ATTENTION!

RECRUITS, LIIINE UP!

What kind of naive neophytes have they sent me this year?

YOU are not pumpkins! You are SQUASH! You are gourds! You are sniveling Jack-o-lantern want-a-bes!

I said LIIINE UP! That MEANS on the WHITE line!! Are you color blind? That is no excuse! WHITE is not A COLOR! ARE YOU BLIND?

What is it Smith??

NO! Not having eyes is not an excuse! Now, line up on the WHITE LINE!

Now what is it SMITH?!?!

Oh, now you are just trying to make up excuses. “Ooh Sergeant, I don’t have legs!”

Get in line SMITH!

Till next time Ranters!

Job's never done -- Saturday Centus

2010-09-04T17:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Ho Ranters!

Yes, I know I said I wouldn't do this. But, my wife told me about this week's prompt and I couldn't resist....

So, here is the promo:

This is part of Jenny Matlock's Saturday Centus.

Here is the story:

Zebidiah checked the hen house one more time. He knew that it was the middle of summer and the storms blew with the fury of God. He would lose more chickens if they were not shut in for the night. The horses were fed and stabled. Zeb thought how much better the horses had it than anything on the ranch …even he and his bride of 30 years! These were the evening chores and they had to be done night after night… including Saturdays, Sundays and holidays! After all, it was a dark and stormy night and a poor rancher must always be prepared for the worst.

Summer Vacation

2010-08-21T12:49:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

My wife wanted me to do another of Jenny's prompts. So here goes... Here are the rules:

Each linked essay must be 100 words or less, not including the "prompt" words. No pictures should be used. No profanity. The prompt words can be used in any place within your story but must be left intact. You cannot split the prompt.

Please display link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

Link to her blog http://jennymatlock.blogspot.com/search/label/Saturday%20Centus

WEEK 16 ASSIGNMENT

Do you remember how during the first week back at school the teacher would make you write an essay about what you did over your summer vacation? Well, school has been in session almost two weeks here so I thought we'd try this for something different.

Your story must be written in first person AND must be exactly 100 words long. It can be fact or fiction.

So...

Exactly 100 words, first person, fact or fiction...What I did over my Summer Vacation. AND What I did over my Summer Vacation is the title of your essay not to be included in the 100 words!

What I did over my Summer Vacation...

Just one more step. One more step either way. Right and everything is ok. Left, and I die …The world goes to waste! A little step. That is just what I need to do. Oh no, everything is falling. My world is crashing down on me. I can save it! Just need to get under it! They are falling fast. Maybe too fast! The world is over! The blocks are flying down upon me. CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! Game Over!

This is how I spent my summer at Dave and Busters with my game-fanatic son!

Until next time Ranters!

The wheels on the bus go round and round

2010-08-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

Imagine you are on a bus. Say this bus gets a flat tire. The driver calls in and the office tells him, he needs to make the timeline, so the bus driver pulls over and attaches a portable compressor to fill the tire and he drives on. A few feet down the road, the compressor breaks, and the driver calls into the office again. This time, the office states, that he must meet his schedule, keep going. So the bus driver, wanting to get to his final destination, keeps driving. Eventually, the wheel comes off while driving and the bus flips, killing the driver and all of the passengers.

At the bus driver's funeral, a representative from the office gives a glowing eulogy stating that the bus driver should be recognized for trying to make his schedule! The office staff felt good because they recognized the bus driver. His widow spat in their faces. Confused, they asked, why did you do that? We recognized him for following our direction! You should be proud! They really didn't understand why she was so upset.

Do you know why the widow was so upset? Who benefited from this situation? The bus driver died. The passengers died. The timeline wasn't met. The bus company lost a bus (and will probably be sued). The driver should have actually got recognized for blind stupidity! Following orders that compromised the safety of his passengers!

This is a parable on corporate life. A few words of advice:

1) If in a crisis situation and everyone is in reactionary mode, Don't join them! Plan your next steps and everyone will be better!

2) If everyone is in planning mode, but nothing seems to be getting done, execute your plans! The only thing worse than executing without a plan is planning without execution. They go hand in hand!

3) Don't take the bus!

The Truth about the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus!

2010-08-17T05:49:00.000-07:00

Hi Ho Ranters!

Easter Bunny and Santa Claus spoiler alert!!! DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH!

Today, I’m going to tell you a story that, well, I’m not too proud of. My son is going into middle school (no! That is NOT what I’m not too proud of), and my wife wanted to make sure that we utterly crushed his belief in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. They had a long car ride and she said she would break the news then (keeping my unique, yet blunt talents of breaking news out of the picture).

I get home from a long day at work. We are sitting down to eat dinner and I find out that she has not had the “talk” with our son. And she starts to broche the subject at the table. She tries (quite eloquently) to tie the religious aspect of the Easter Bunny and Saint Nick to manifest through us. But, as I saw, this approach was not working. I took control of the conversation and said…

Son, what your mother is trying to tell you, is that the Easter Bunny – pregnant pause -- was killed in 1946 by Farmer McGreggor’s car. What we now know as the Easter Bunny is actually a malicious spirit that poops candied eggs in everyone’s yard every Easter when his spirit materializes in our world for one day. To try to hide this fact, your mother and I give you presents and say it is from the Easter Bunny.

Well, I’ll tell you Ranters, in my opinion, he took the news quite well. Then, I took on the next subject. Yes, the big guy himself! …And, yes, I will probably go to Hell for this. So, going off my past success, I told him…

Son, now let’s discuss Santa Claus. I said, Santa was a great man that gave toys to children all around the world! One Christmas in 1961, Santa went down the wrong chimney. He found himself confronted by a group of Hippie War Protesters, high on LSD. Santa did his best to defend himself, but alas, he was out numbered. That was the last we saw of Santa Claus and the last Christmas Santa personally delivered toys to children. In this void and to take up Santa’s original charge, parents, around the world, started pretending that they were Santa Claus. They dressed like him; Put imitators in department stores; And formed the Secret Santa Alliance. All participating parents had to sign legal documents around how to perpetuate Santa’s memory throughout the ages. This, of course, was the Santa Clause. Well, we had to swear a vow of silence as you now have too so the memory of Santa Claus will still live in others (even though, we just killed it in you!).

I looked to my son. Big crocodile tears traversing his face, I realized, maybe I wasn’t so successful with that story!

Let me tell you Ranters, I didn’t even bring up the subject of how the tooth fairy was actually an alliance of dental hygienists who misappropriated funds from the dentist that they worked for. In their shame, they gave portions of that money to the children who lost teeth.

AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON AND FATHER? SHOULD I BE TAKEN TO TASK FOR MY “CRIMES”? What do you think Ranters?

Till Next Time Ranters!

Stop the world -- I want to get off!

2010-08-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

OMG! My day started bad and went downhill from there! I woke up with a back ache, did not have a good workout, get into work and find out that my plans have to be reworked because China decided Saturday October 9th is a work day. I'm vilified in a meeting for problems created and controlled by another group. A perfect storm is being formed for this weekend by people who think proactive is something they sell on infomercials to clear up pimples!

I look forward to Friday the 13th!! Heck, I don't think I'm going to make it through Thursday the 12th!

I would take this last-gulp-of-air after coming up for the third time, but I think it will all be Carbon Dioxide from all the hot-air going on!

I think the greatest export of the UK is politics, hot-air, and a flair for the dramatics! They are also good at pushing-buttons, taking pot-shots at people who are not present to defend themselves, and placing the blame on everyone except for who should take it!

I HATE England! Your best export was Dr. Who! ...and you don't even export that until after it has been on the air for 6 months!

Wow! I'm glad to get that off my chest!

Oh well, back to the war!

Till next time Ranters (if there IS a next time!!!)!

FREE Organically Grown Vegetables!

2010-08-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was in our break-room at my workplace. I saw an empty basket with the sign, "FREE Organically Grown Vegetables" I thought to myself - As opposed to what? Genetically enhanced vegetables?

When I got a free moment, I went onto dictionary.com to find out exactly what is meant by organic. It gave the following definition:

of, relating to, derived from, or characteristic of living plants and animals

So, this still perplexes me! How do organically grown vegetables differ from non-organically grown vegetables, and -more importantly- why did the author of the sign believe they had to differentiate their vegetables as organic. Were the vegetables still living?

I guess if I worked at a genetics research company, it would make more sense to distinguish between genetically altered versus not. But, I don't work at a genetics plant. I work for a large financial institutions. I don't even know anyone who grows nor had grown non-organic vegetables. What would such a vegetable look like?

Well, this will just have to stay as another perplexing mystery!

Till next time Ranters!

Life's a beach!

2010-08-05T09:06:00.000-07:00

Hi ho Ranters,

Pelican Joe and family has visited one of the Carolina's many beaches. I won't mention where we stayed. My wife did not want me to speak ill of them (I think she feels sorry for them).

The place we stayed at had the feel of a well-used hunting lodge, where a place to stay was secondary to the location. Well, in true Pelican Rant fashion, here are the good and bad of our mini-vacation.

The good:

Right on the beach
Neighbors were fairly quiet and sociable
Dog friendly
The on-sight managers were very responsive
Not only on the beach, but had a pool and a balcony overlooking both the pool and the beach
Close to the local boardwalk and carnival
The dog traveled well and was well-behaved
The ocean waves were 3-5 feet and fun on a boogie board

The bad:

Room was dirty, smelly, moldy and all of the other ee's that you can think of.
Landlord stated that the apartment had a small two burner stove (turned out to be a two burner hot-plate).
One sink did not have cold water
On the website, it said it had free WIFI. Well, it was one DSL wireless router in the manager's office. The connection was spotty at best and I think the internet pipe was very small (say around 768kps).
Parking was off-site.
Air-conditioners were old window units (very noisy)
Had cockroaches and wasps in our unit (dead ones now)!
Battery was missing from the smoke detector
EVERYONE staying there chained smoked!
The lodging was pet friendly, the beach was not.

Lesson learned:

Next vacation, the dog goes to a kennel, and we stay at a much nicer place! This way, everyone has a more pleasant respite.

All in all, it was a fun vacation! We ate at some unusual restaurants and consumed local cuisine.

Pelican Joe Quote:

Ocean Beaches would be more fun if they removed the sand, removed the salt, and removed the dangerous sea creatures! Wait, BP is doing that last thing!

Till next time Ranters!

Himalayan Salt Lamps -- They read your mind *(and do your laundry**!)

2010-07-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

About 3 months ago, my son was having a hard time sleeping and I was getting a little concerned. While listening to the podcast "Mysterious Universe" the host mentioned that they have been using the Himalayan Salt Lamps and it helped with moods, reduced pollution, helped with sleep and the list went on. They also spoke of credible evidence around the lamp as a negative Ion generator. So, I bought one from Walmart.com.

As with most of my brilliant ideas to help my kids, they did not want anything to do with this lamp! My daughter called it evil and my son did not want it on in his room. So it disappeared for a few weeks.

A couple of days ago, while my wife was redecorating, it was rediscovered and now it is in our room. When the lamp is on, you can feel the hair on your arm tingle. Leaving it on over night, makes it very hard to get up in the morning. I've even noticed that I am remembering my dreams (which did not happen before). This lamp makes my wife sleepy as well and she has mentioned that it is hard to wake up in the morning.

I will update this post from time to time to let everyone know how it is using the lamp over time. Don't want to grow a third arm and not rant it to the world!

So, for now,

Till next time ranters!

* To get the lamp to read your mind, look into it for 30 seconds, then the thoughts you will have is the thoughts the lamp believes you are thinking! 100% accurate with 0% margin of error!

** To get the lamp to do your laundry, first put your laundry in the washing machine, put in the detergent, and press the start key. The lamp interacts with the washer so that your clothes will get just as clean as if you did it yourself! Amazing!

In a teen-age mind

2010-07-27T01:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever went shopping with your teen-aged daughter? Well, Pelican Joe had the pleasure of taking his daughter to buy a back-pack this past weekend. Let me share some of the conversation:

Pelican Joe - So, what style of backpack are you looking for?

Daughter - Something that can hold all my books.

Pelican Joe - You wanted to get the LL Bean backpack. What size is that backpack?

Daughter - I don't know.

Pelican Joe - How do you know that all your books would fit into that one?

Daughter - It's an LL Bean backpack!

Pelican Joe - Okay, let's look at the sizes of backpack we have here.

Daughter - These are all too small!

Pelican Joe - Let's look at the sizes and get the biggest one. We can always return it if your LL Bean backpack is bigger.

Daughter - These are all ugly.

Pelican Joe - We have another criteria? It has to be big and good looking?

Daughter - Well, Duh!

Pelican Joe - Okay, are there any backpacks that you find nice looking?

Daughter - No.

Pelican Joe - There are more in the back of the store.

Daughter - None of these look good.

So, I looked at sizes 19.5 inch by 17 inch seemed to be the biggest (but did not fit the appearance factor). Most of the bags were between 19 x 17 inches and 15 x 13 inches.

Pelican Joe - (Noticing that she is looking at a backpack) So, what size is that?

Daughter - I don't know.

Pelican Joe - Will all of your books fit into that? (looking at the tag I noticed that was 19 x17 inches. One of the bigger backpacks at this store.)

Daughter - I don't know.

Pelican Joe - Why don't we buy this one and we can always return it if the LL Bean one is bigger.

Daughter - Okay.

So, we ended up purchasing the backpack. Later I asked her the size of the LL Bean backpack. She told me it was smaller.

I guess what I learned from the experience was that if you can discern the criteria and establish metrics that allow you to objectively limit the selection, then the subjective part (Look and Feel) gets easier.

I know! Now that I have this written down, the above formula will never work again! After all, as she reminds me, she is a teen-ager! Which is hard for a person who graduated with a degree in Decision Theory to handle!

Till next time ranters!

Failed!

2010-07-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. "
Samuel Beckett

Well, I tried the Jenny post and don't think it is for me. I am not saying anything about anyone else (so, relax Tom! your comment yesterday was longer than my whole post!). I know my wife will continue, but it is not for me.

With that said, if you can give me guidance on other meme out there, I would like to see other options. It would be great to find something I could give my unique spin.

Till next time ranters!

A visit with Jenny

2010-07-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

I'm really trying to expand myself. So, I told my wife I would put in a post for Jenny Matlock's weekly challenge. Here are the rules:

Each linked essay must be 100 words or less, not including the "prompt" words. No pictures should be used. No profanity. The prompt words can be used in any place within your story but must be left intact. You cannot split the prompt.

Please display link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

Link to her blog http://jennymatlock.blogspot.com/2010/07/saturday-centus-week-12.html

WEEK 12 PROMPT

Driving six hours is a long time on the road. Six hours spent singing car-aoke and taking in the picturesque scenery, but mostly reminiscing about the good times. But those days were long gone and my mind was in a different place now. Or was it? My pulse quickened as I passed the road sign which read "Medford 27 miles."

Here is my entry entitled:

What I left in Medford

It has been almost 12 years since the last time I saw her. She was 23 and I was 25. It is different now, or so I’ve been assured. Her zest for life has been toned down to apathy. Her passions condensed to indifference. But her rage, oh yes, her vile angry mood-swings, have also been reduced to calmness. Or so I’ve been told!
Driving six hours is a long time on the road. Six hours spent singing car-aoke and taking in the picturesque scenery, but mostly reminiscing about the good times. But those days were long gone and my mind was in a different place now. Or was it? My pulse quickened as I passed the road sign which read "Medford 27 miles."
I am going back. Back to where I left her 12 years ago in Medford and the Medford Psychiatric Clinic. For tomorrow she will be discharged. And finally, this chapter of my life will have concluded.

The end.

As in Pelican Rant fashion, I would like to really rant about the prompt! Could we really have made this shorter? If you have 160 words to tell a story, but you provide 60 of those words, you have just told the story. Now, if it was 500 words, anything could have happened. If next weeks similar to this weeks, then this will be my first and last.
Till next time ranters!

Routers -- Update!

2010-01-28T04:35:00.000-08:00

Well, my DLink router configuration did not work as well as I would have hoped. I was watching a repeat of Psych! on TV (streamed over my LAN) and all of the sudden the dreaded start, stop, start, stop occurred. Thinking about my options, I was hoping the WISH configuration would work. So, I clicked my heels 3 times and said... "There's no place like a properly configured network!, There's no place like a properly configured network!, There's no place like a properly configured network!" That did not work! Gasp! Surprise! Shock! Maybe I had to click my heels 4 times?

If only there was some sort of Wireless Intelligent Stream Handling built into the router! Oh, wait a minute the acronym for "Wireless Intelligent Stream Handling" is WISH! Maybe THAT is what I need to use. This clicking of heels is definitely not working! So now, I've configured the WISH settings on the router and HOPEFULLY, that will work! Otherwise, I need to go back wishing I can discern the proper configuration settings that will allow my network to flow flawlessly!

So, click your heels 3 times and say "I wish Pelican Joe would blog about something I actually care about! I wish Pelican Joe would blog about something I actually care about! I wish Pelican Joe would blog about something I actually care about!"

Till next time ranters!

Routers!

2010-01-26T09:31:00.000-08:00

I recently had to switch from one gigabit wireless router to another. Different brands, but pretty much the same functionality. I sent back my SMCWGBR14-N router because it was dropping wired and wireless connections (and I only had it since May of last year!). SMC finally agreed to give me an RMA for the router, so I decided to purchase another router so that I can have a backup once the replacement SMC arrives. I purchased a DLink DIR-655.

The DLink router (as mentioned) had much of the functionality as the SMC, but it was a little better at handling mixed speeds connections 100mbs vs. 1000mbs. So, my network is based on zones - Zone 1 is the wireless video streaming to the televisions via a media center server. Zone 2 is our VOIP (Voice over IP) box (ooma). Zone 3 is comprised of all wireless computers (5 in our house). Zone 4 is our print server. And zone 5 manages the remaining IP enabled devices from our Netgear gigabit switch.

So, I configure the DLink router identically to what I had in the SMC router. Zone 1 and Zone 2 failed to provide adequate streams and all telephone and television signals failed (much to the dismay of my family). After much playing around with the settings (QOS/WISH configurations as well as turning off a lot of bells and whistles), I finally have the DLink providing the same, if not better coverage in the house.

So, my rant is... Why can't you configure two devices that have similar settings the same and as a result they give similar performance? Why couldn't the same settings give similar results? Afterall, they are based on the same specifications and protocols.

I don't know! By the way, if anyone is interested in the configuration changes I made to the DLink DIR-655, just let me know and I will tell you what I adjusted.

Till next time ranters!

Zoiks!

2009-11-16T04:15:00.000-08:00

Hi ho Ranters!

Well, I received the dog shock collar in the mail on Saturday. For those interested, here is the link to the collar I ordered. I ordered the collar because my son was physically drug by our dog and we needed an effective method of curing that behavior.

Anyways, we put the collar on the dog and first sign of deviant behavior, the wife presses the shock button and calls "heel". Nothing happens, so she turns up the power setting from two to three. Next time the dog pulls on the leash, the wife calls "heel" again and presses the zapper and again nothing happens. So eventually, she gets the setting up to 6 then realizes that she was not holding the zapper button down long enough. So, she presses and holds the button and the dog yelps and jumps. But, then she did what she was told! My wife immediately turned it back down to 2 where it was much more tolerable, but still annoying and the dog was doing well. A few more times and we can probably turn over the controls to my son (evil laugh placed here).

The only thing I would question about the shock collar was that it had a positive button. What's that for? You are supposed to get your dog positively attune to this sound? It's like pressing the tone and the dog realizes, you could have zapped it instead?

Oh well, the collar got a lot of positive feedback on Amazon. Hopefully it will work out for the long term.

Until next time Ranters!

Quackery! Pure Quackery!

2009-11-11T08:41:00.000-08:00

Hi ho Ranters!

Question: Why don't ducks fly upside down?

Answer: Because they would Quack-up!

Well, what does that joke have to do with today's post? If you ask Richard Hoagland, he will probably give you an answer like "In fact using the Hyper dimensional physics model, they do fly upside down. It is only because of the secret organizations within our own government that make us see the ducks fly what you call - normally."

I know what you're saying... "again with the Hoagland bashing? Don't you ever get tired of bashing him?" No!

In the early days of Hoagland's dive into the unknown, he was a respected former museum space science Curator; a former NASA Consultant; and, during the historic Apollo Missions to the Moon, was science advisor to Walter Cronkite and CBS News1. In short, he was credible.

Now, Hoagland believes aliens lived on the Moon and Mars. He believes NASA crashed the rocket into the moon to see how much underground structures exist (taking seismic measurements from equipment left by the Apollo astronauts). He even asserts that NASA accidentally shows part of the structure in the infra-red video taken before the crash. Take a look at the photo. If you can see a structure, then you may have a future in NASA Conspiracies. Here is a link to the photos 1, 2. Here is a link to his theory.

What makes Hoagland dangerous is that to a casual by-stander, he appears credible. His pseudo-science has never been peer-reviewed and his claims are getting more and more on the fringe.

Maybe I'm looking at this in the wrong way. Maybe I should be joining him instead of criticizing! Maybe, I can come up with half-baked theories using my brand of physics called "Tetra-Dimensional Uber Quantum Physics" where I assert that we are not living on a planet, but on a microscopic piece of dust, floating in trans-dimensional space! Oops, a famous Doctor has already made that assertion... I think his last name was Seuss.

Until later Ranters! Remember, only 16 more days until the President of the United States reveals the existence of extraterrestrial aliens!

Rants from the homestead

2009-11-10T04:22:00.000-08:00

Hi ranters!

Let's take a little divergence from my usual UFO alien meets bigfoot in a bar routine. I just want to share a piece of my day with you. I usually get up at 4 am and leave for the gym a little after 5. My wife sometimes gets up at 5 or 6 am. This morning, she wakes up at 5 am. Here is part of our morning conversation:

Me: Good Morning
Wife: Morning
Me: Whats wrong?
Wife: I don't know
Me: I forgot to tell you, I have tomorrow off from work
Wife: Darn! Well, don't take this wrong!
Me: How can I possibly take that wrong?
Wife: Well, you're going to mess up my whole day.
Me: Again, how can I possibly take that wrong?
Me: I'm planning on sleeping in.
Wife: Oh no you're not. If I have to get up at 5, then you're going to get up!
Me: I'm sorry I'm messing up your plans, but I had to get up early during the weekend. I need to catch up on my sleep.
Wife: So, I never get to sleep in!
Me: You wake up later than me almost everyday, and you get to take naps during the day! I don't think my boss would take it very well if I took a nap in the middle of the day. By the way, how did this conversation become about you? It is about ME sleeping in on my day off!
Wife: EVERYTHING is about ME! The sooner you learn this, the better it will be for you.

So Ranters, do you think I was totally off base here? I think this could be a Carly Simon song! You know the one. No, not "Nobody does it better"! ... Definitely not "Anticipation"!

Oh well, until later Ranters!

The Aliens are coming! The Aliens are coming!

2009-11-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

All,

A couple of fun facts. According to Dr. Pete Peterson, President Obama on November 27th 2009 will announce on national TV information about Alien (I should say extraterrestrial) Contact and what the US knows about these Aliens. Meanwhile Acorn is desperately trying to get them registered for the 2012 election!

According to Dr. Richard Hoagland, NASA bombed the moon to get rid of an alien base. You should actually read some of Dr. Hoagland's accusations. They are very well constructed and backed up by his version of science. www.enterprisemission.com.

I was on one youtube video site that was announcing full disclosure of extraterrestrials on November 27th. I added the comment that it will not happen. Another comment came up in minutes that stated it will happen and that they are airing a new television series called "V" to prepare us for this knowledge. As a big Sci-fi buff, I can tell you that what "V" taught me was:

1) Aliens are lizards that eat people

2) Aliens lie

3) Aliens are pretty political

Yep, that is going to make me go into an alien disclosure open minded!

Until next time ranters,

Live long and prosper! err, correction... Live to 2012 and prosper.

OpenSource Rant

2009-07-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hi Ranters!

I've been on a kick to lower monthly expense here at the MAD Pelican house. With losing my job (then finding another one- but at a reduced wage), I need to use technology for what its true potential really is... lowering expenses while enjoying the same things.

First thing I did was increase the bandwidth to the household by switching from DSL internet to Cable. You ask why? Isn't it more expensive? Well, yes and no. my DSL and telephone is $71 per month. My new Cable internet is $59.95 per month. You probably are saying... So? Are you going to sign up for their $24 internet

VOIP (Voice over IP) phone? Well, no. I am going to use a product that has been out since 2005 and has GREAT reviews... Ooma. I've ordered it, but it hasn't arrived yet. Ooma is an easy to set up VOIP system that is completely free after you buy the hub. I will also port my existing phone line to this system so that hopefully, my family won't be negatively impacted.

Second thing is that I want to get rid of my DVR. Don't get me wrong, I love my DVR... My family loves the DVRs, but there are three major drawbacks to my DVRs. -- First, there is a monthly fee (about $11.90). Second, there if something goes wrong with it, they have you reformat the drive and start over -- even though you have some great movies and shows on it. ...And finally, if you switch from your Satellite/Cable operator, they want the machine back (so you lose everything). Oh and as a bonus, if you stay with the same company, you can only record so much before your disk is full!

No more! I want the ability to:

record and keep what I'm recording,
stop live tv, and
be able to add storage as I want!

So, you asked what is the easy replacement to the DVR? Well, I haven't found one. So, why do you even bring this up? Boy, aren't you pushy! Okay, in the past I've participated and programmed in Open Source projects. I thought there must be a DVR replacement in the Open Source community. So, I signed on to the Godfather of the Open Source community (Sourceforge.net) and searched some terms (DVR, TIVO, HULU, etc), to see what comes up. After all the searches, one project seemed to have the most support (support is key in Open Source projects). This was Mythtv.

I wanted to investigate the possibility of using Mythtv as a replacement for my DVRs, so I went to my usual sources... Wiki, Youtube, and blogs (oh My!). Reading the Wiki of Mythtv was like reading the an IBM redbook. Some good information, but dry, boring, and not very well written text. This was definite

ly not a project for a novice! Not to mention that I would need a dedicated server running the Linux operating system (AARG!!!! All of my servers are Windows XP!). Now, it becomes more complex, there are four main distros (configured versions on different flavors of Linux). Most people would probably have given up by now, the satellite DVR is looking better and better. Also Tivo is only $12.95 per month!

This brings me to my rant of the day (all this is just the set up to your

rant? I could have been watching my soap operas!!!) Open Source! It is GREAT to get free software, but there is a price you DO have to pay! ...and keep on paying. Most people responsible for Open Source projects would like you to use their software, but really don't want to be tied down to explaining everything to you. You have to really dig in and read allot. After you get in, it is not easy getting out... You start speaking their language, understanding their logic. ...And you get involved in this community that really has no concern that you don't really have a personal life. All that matters is the project! Your life is the project! Setup and forget is not a mantra for Open Source. Setup, configure, update, update, tweak, read some more, and attend some conferences are the life of Open Source users. So, with that s

aid, I can be satisfied with the satellite companies DVR, or purchasing Tivo, or purchasing other knockoff products (such as Replay). But, where would be the challenge? So, over the next few months, I'm going to build one of these machines (actually a couple of them -- one backend and a couple frontends).

Wish me luck, because I know that I'm just asking for trouble!

Did Michael Jackson Follow Elvis?

2009-06-29T17:00:00.000-07:00

WARNING: Please do not read if you are easily offended!

One of my favorite movies was Men in Black. When Kay was indoctrinating young Jay on who was an alien and who wasn't. One of the lines in the movie went Jay: "You do know Elvis is dead, right?" Then Kay, with a straight face, says "No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home."

Well according to the All News Web site, there was an unidentified flying object over the neverland ranch after Michael Jackson's death.

On March 5th 2009, Michael Jackson gave his final news conference. During this conference Michael told his fans "This is it... and when I say this is it, this will be it". Could he be giving a hint to his fans? Did he know that he was actually going to go back to his home planet? Could he and Elvis be actually from the same planet? I don't know, there is just a lot of coincidences! After all, you know what they say... "Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction!"

P.S.

All, I'm sorry if I offended anyone! I was just highlighting what Conspirators will be saying years later.... Michael Jackson was an alien. I know this is not true... This is just a sad, sad story of a great performer and his crash from the height of superstar status to carnival freak show. I was not a Michael Jackson fan, but it is sad to see anyone go through what Michael has endured over the last few years.

Out of Work in Charlotte!!!

2009-06-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was my last day at the bank formerly known as Wachovia! It was sad to say goodbye. I've been there for 3 and 1/2 years and have a lot of friends there. I've got an interview at the other bank in town, but if that falls through, I have no real prospects. It really hasn't sunk in that I'm not going back to work on Monday. I've got a telephone interview on Tuesday and a face to face interview on Wednesday.

There is no real rant here, just I would like to discuss appreciations. People don't appreciate things until they are gone. Why is that? I heard other people complaining that they were laid off and only had x amount of months severance. I was on a contract base there, so I did not get a severence. If those people who are being laid off with a generous severence could take a clue, please know that there are people in worse shape than you. QUIT SAYING POOR ME!!!! What about those people being laid off from minimum wage jobs? I think we need to be truely thankful for what we have and as many people have said -- One door closes while another one opens. If you are crying about your situation, LOOK AROUND, you are not as bad off as some!!!

Rants from a MAD Pelican… Episode 1. Begin with the End!

2009-01-05T18:41:00.000-08:00

We have lived through the year 2000 scare. We also tolerated the May 5^th 2000 (planetary alignment hysterics). Not to mention the Nostradamus “end of the world” predictions. It seems like every time we turn our head there is another gloom and doom prediction. Now is no different!

Presenting …. From the makers of the Nostradamus year 2000, planetary alignment/planetary pole shifting, comes The End of the World Part Deux. … This time, it is going to happen! (in 2012 December 21^st to be exact).

(a little scripting joke – if you don’t understand it, I’ll explain it some time).

It is hilarious to listen to the same crazies that are either genuinely afraid or are trying to sell you something, describe these events. Here is a clip from Fox’s Geraldo Rivera show. These guys are actually quite sad! What happens IF the world does come to an end? Can you tell me “I told you so!”? If the world does come to an end, THAT will be the ONLY thing I dread! Oh, wait, IF the world DOES come to an end, and I’m on the world when it comes to an end, doesn’t that mean I will come to an end? So, in the immortal words of Rosanne Roseannadanna – “Never Mind!”.

If you want to read some more about the 2012 Dooms day prophecy, here are some links:

http://articles.latimes.com/2008/nov/03/local/me-mayan3

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012

http://www.survive2012.com/

http://www.december212012.com/

Or, if you have better things to do, I will definitely understand!!!

So ends this version of the show!

So say we all!

Till next time, Rant at you later!

Pelican Joe.

Please send ideas for future rants to:

Email – PelicanJoe@gmail.com

VoiceMail – 704-464-P-Guy (6489)

Welcome to Rants from a Mad Pelican! -- the Blog

2009-01-05T16:32:00.000-08:00

This is where I rant about anything I want. You may ask who I am. Aren’t we all asking that question?

I go by the handle Pelican Joe.

Then you may ask why Pelican Joe? Is there something wrong with your nose?

Well, no. There is nothing wrong with my nose! I got the handle originally on a kayaking website. My kayaks are made by Pelican International. So, I’ve used this handle for a while.

Continuing on with the questions, you may inquire what makes you a Mad Pelican? Are you angry? Enraged? Mentally disturbed? Affected with rabies?

No. Not any of that. ...Even though, it really depends on the day. Mad is actually an acronym I use to stands for

Middle Age Dad.

So, you may be saying to yourself "Is this show is about the ranting of a middle aged father named Joe that has kayaks made by Pelican International?" Then I would have to say, you are mighty astute (or, I might say talking to yourself is a sure sign of insanity!)!

Now, before you turn me off, saying “I really don’t care about a middle aged dad!”. Let me say that I will try to keep the show and this blog a little off-balanced.