The MicroFiction Muse #10

Hi Ho Ranters!

I could not resist this Micro Fiction Muse on Diane Estrella's site! So, without further ado, here is the picture and my 140 characters. Be sure to stop by Diane's site to participate.

I can’t believe they wore those uniforms! Their derrieres are more defined in black! I think the players really don’t care about the fans!

Saturday Centus -- The Making of Jack-o-lanterns!

Hi Ho Ranters!

Yes, I know I've been doing more Centus than ranting! Well, get over it!

So, here is the promo:

This is part of Jenny Matlock's Saturday Centus.

The prompt this week, is this picture:

Here are my 100 words:

ATTENTION!

RECRUITS, LIIINE UP!

What kind of naive neophytes have they sent me this year?

YOU are not pumpkins! You are SQUASH! You are gourds! You are sniveling Jack-o-lantern want-a-bes!

I said LIIINE UP! That MEANS on the WHITE line!! Are you color blind? That is no excuse! WHITE is not A COLOR! ARE YOU BLIND?

What is it Smith??

NO! Not having eyes is not an excuse! Now, line up on the WHITE LINE!

Now what is it SMITH?!?!

Oh, now you are just trying to make up excuses. “Ooh Sergeant, I don’t have legs!”

Get in line SMITH!

Till next time Ranters!

Job's never done -- Saturday Centus

Hi Ho Ranters!

Yes, I know I said I wouldn't do this. But, my wife told me about this week's prompt and I couldn't resist....

So, here is the promo:

This is part of Jenny Matlock's Saturday Centus.

Here is the story:

Zebidiah checked the hen house one more time. He knew that it was the middle of summer and the storms blew with the fury of God. He would lose more chickens if they were not shut in for the night. The horses were fed and stabled. Zeb thought how much better the horses had it than anything on the ranch …even he and his bride of 30 years! These were the evening chores and they had to be done night after night… including Saturdays, Sundays and holidays! After all, it was a dark and stormy night and a poor rancher must always be prepared for the worst.

Summer Vacation

Hi All,

My wife wanted me to do another of Jenny's prompts. So here goes... Here are the rules:

Each linked essay must be 100 words or less, not including the "prompt" words. No pictures should be used. No profanity. The prompt words can be used in any place within your story but must be left intact. You cannot split the prompt.

Please display link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

Link to her blog http://jennymatlock.blogspot.com/search/label/Saturday%20Centus

WEEK 16 ASSIGNMENT

Do you remember how during the first week back at school the teacher would make you write an essay about what you did over your summer vacation? Well, school has been in session almost two weeks here so I thought we'd try this for something different.

Your story must be written in first person AND must be exactly 100 words long. It can be fact or fiction.

So...

Exactly 100 words, first person, fact or fiction...What I did over my Summer Vacation. AND What I did over my Summer Vacation is the title of your essay not to be included in the 100 words!

What I did over my Summer Vacation...

Just one more step. One more step either way. Right and everything is ok. Left, and I die …The world goes to waste! A little step. That is just what I need to do. Oh no, everything is falling. My world is crashing down on me. I can save it! Just need to get under it! They are falling fast. Maybe too fast! The world is over! The blocks are flying down upon me. CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! Game Over!

This is how I spent my summer at Dave and Busters with my game-fanatic son!

Until next time Ranters!

The wheels on the bus go round and round

Imagine you are on a bus. Say this bus gets a flat tire. The driver calls in and the office tells him, he needs to make the timeline, so the bus driver pulls over and attaches a portable compressor to fill the tire and he drives on. A few feet down the road, the compressor breaks, and the driver calls into the office again. This time, the office states, that he must meet his schedule, keep going. So the bus driver, wanting to get to his final destination, keeps driving. Eventually, the wheel comes off while driving and the bus flips, killing the driver and all of the passengers.

At the bus driver's funeral, a representative from the office gives a glowing eulogy stating that the bus driver should be recognized for trying to make his schedule! The office staff felt good because they recognized the bus driver. His widow spat in their faces. Confused, they asked, why did you do that? We recognized him for following our direction! You should be proud! They really didn't understand why she was so upset.

Do you know why the widow was so upset? Who benefited from this situation? The bus driver died. The passengers died. The timeline wasn't met. The bus company lost a bus (and will probably be sued). The driver should have actually got recognized for blind stupidity! Following orders that compromised the safety of his passengers!

This is a parable on corporate life. A few words of advice:

1) If in a crisis situation and everyone is in reactionary mode, Don't join them! Plan your next steps and everyone will be better!

2) If everyone is in planning mode, but nothing seems to be getting done, execute your plans! The only thing worse than executing without a plan is planning without execution. They go hand in hand!

3) Don't take the bus!

The Truth about the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus!

Hi Ho Ranters!

Easter Bunny and Santa Claus spoiler alert!!! DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH!

Today, I’m going to tell you a story that, well, I’m not too proud of. My son is going into middle school (no! That is NOT what I’m not too proud of), and my wife wanted to make sure that we utterly crushed his belief in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. They had a long car ride and she said she would break the news then (keeping my unique, yet blunt talents of breaking news out of the picture).

I get home from a long day at work. We are sitting down to eat dinner and I find out that she has not had the “talk” with our son. And she starts to broche the subject at the table. She tries (quite eloquently) to tie the religious aspect of the Easter Bunny and Saint Nick to manifest through us. But, as I saw, this approach was not working. I took control of the conversation and said…

Son, what your mother is trying to tell you, is that the Easter Bunny – pregnant pause -- was killed in 1946 by Farmer McGreggor’s car. What we now know as the Easter Bunny is actually a malicious spirit that poops candied eggs in everyone’s yard every Easter when his spirit materializes in our world for one day. To try to hide this fact, your mother and I give you presents and say it is from the Easter Bunny.

Well, I’ll tell you Ranters, in my opinion, he took the news quite well. Then, I took on the next subject. Yes, the big guy himself! …And, yes, I will probably go to Hell for this. So, going off my past success, I told him…

Son, now let’s discuss Santa Claus. I said, Santa was a great man that gave toys to children all around the world! One Christmas in 1961, Santa went down the wrong chimney. He found himself confronted by a group of Hippie War Protesters, high on LSD. Santa did his best to defend himself, but alas, he was out numbered. That was the last we saw of Santa Claus and the last Christmas Santa personally delivered toys to children. In this void and to take up Santa’s original charge, parents, around the world, started pretending that they were Santa Claus. They dressed like him; Put imitators in department stores; And formed the Secret Santa Alliance. All participating parents had to sign legal documents around how to perpetuate Santa’s memory throughout the ages. This, of course, was the Santa Clause. Well, we had to swear a vow of silence as you now have too so the memory of Santa Claus will still live in others (even though, we just killed it in you!).

I looked to my son. Big crocodile tears traversing his face, I realized, maybe I wasn’t so successful with that story!

Let me tell you Ranters, I didn’t even bring up the subject of how the tooth fairy was actually an alliance of dental hygienists who misappropriated funds from the dentist that they worked for. In their shame, they gave portions of that money to the children who lost teeth.

AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON AND FATHER? SHOULD I BE TAKEN TO TASK FOR MY “CRIMES”? What do you think Ranters?

Till Next Time Ranters!

Stop the world -- I want to get off!

OMG! My day started bad and went downhill from there! I woke up with a back ache, did not have a good workout, get into work and find out that my plans have to be reworked because China decided Saturday October 9th is a work day. I'm vilified in a meeting for problems created and controlled by another group. A perfect storm is being formed for this weekend by people who think proactive is something they sell on infomercials to clear up pimples!

I look forward to Friday the 13th!! Heck, I don't think I'm going to make it through Thursday the 12th!

I would take this last-gulp-of-air after coming up for the third time, but I think it will all be Carbon Dioxide from all the hot-air going on!

I think the greatest export of the UK is politics, hot-air, and a flair for the dramatics! They are also good at pushing-buttons, taking pot-shots at people who are not present to defend themselves, and placing the blame on everyone except for who should take it!

I HATE England! Your best export was Dr. Who! ...and you don't even export that until after it has been on the air for 6 months!

Wow! I'm glad to get that off my chest!

Oh well, back to the war!

Till next time Ranters (if there IS a next time!!!)!