Summer Vacation

Hi All,

My wife wanted me to do another of Jenny's prompts. So here goes... Here are the rules:

Each linked essay must be 100 words or less, not including the "prompt" words. No pictures should be used. No profanity. The prompt words can be used in any place within your story but must be left intact. You cannot split the prompt.

Please display link button or just a hyper-link back to Saturday Centus. Be careful to link your SC URL to the Linky and not just link to your main blog.

Link to her blog http://jennymatlock.blogspot.com/search/label/Saturday%20Centus

WEEK 16 ASSIGNMENT

Do you remember how during the first week back at school the teacher would make you write an essay about what you did over your summer vacation? Well, school has been in session almost two weeks here so I thought we'd try this for something different.

Your story must be written in first person AND must be exactly 100 words long. It can be fact or fiction.

So...

Exactly 100 words, first person, fact or fiction...What I did over my Summer Vacation. AND What I did over my Summer Vacation is the title of your essay not to be included in the 100 words!

What I did over my Summer Vacation...

Just one more step. One more step either way. Right and everything is ok. Left, and I die …The world goes to waste! A little step. That is just what I need to do. Oh no, everything is falling. My world is crashing down on me. I can save it! Just need to get under it! They are falling fast. Maybe too fast! The world is over! The blocks are flying down upon me. CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! Game Over!

This is how I spent my summer at Dave and Busters with my game-fanatic son!

Until next time Ranters!

The wheels on the bus go round and round

Imagine you are on a bus. Say this bus gets a flat tire. The driver calls in and the office tells him, he needs to make the timeline, so the bus driver pulls over and attaches a portable compressor to fill the tire and he drives on. A few feet down the road, the compressor breaks, and the driver calls into the office again. This time, the office states, that he must meet his schedule, keep going. So the bus driver, wanting to get to his final destination, keeps driving. Eventually, the wheel comes off while driving and the bus flips, killing the driver and all of the passengers.

At the bus driver's funeral, a representative from the office gives a glowing eulogy stating that the bus driver should be recognized for trying to make his schedule! The office staff felt good because they recognized the bus driver. His widow spat in their faces. Confused, they asked, why did you do that? We recognized him for following our direction! You should be proud! They really didn't understand why she was so upset.

Do you know why the widow was so upset? Who benefited from this situation? The bus driver died. The passengers died. The timeline wasn't met. The bus company lost a bus (and will probably be sued). The driver should have actually got recognized for blind stupidity! Following orders that compromised the safety of his passengers!

This is a parable on corporate life. A few words of advice:

1) If in a crisis situation and everyone is in reactionary mode, Don't join them! Plan your next steps and everyone will be better!

2) If everyone is in planning mode, but nothing seems to be getting done, execute your plans! The only thing worse than executing without a plan is planning without execution. They go hand in hand!

3) Don't take the bus!

The Truth about the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus!

Hi Ho Ranters!

Easter Bunny and Santa Claus spoiler alert!!! DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH!

Today, I’m going to tell you a story that, well, I’m not too proud of. My son is going into middle school (no! That is NOT what I’m not too proud of), and my wife wanted to make sure that we utterly crushed his belief in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. They had a long car ride and she said she would break the news then (keeping my unique, yet blunt talents of breaking news out of the picture).

I get home from a long day at work. We are sitting down to eat dinner and I find out that she has not had the “talk” with our son. And she starts to broche the subject at the table. She tries (quite eloquently) to tie the religious aspect of the Easter Bunny and Saint Nick to manifest through us. But, as I saw, this approach was not working. I took control of the conversation and said…

Son, what your mother is trying to tell you, is that the Easter Bunny – pregnant pause -- was killed in 1946 by Farmer McGreggor’s car. What we now know as the Easter Bunny is actually a malicious spirit that poops candied eggs in everyone’s yard every Easter when his spirit materializes in our world for one day. To try to hide this fact, your mother and I give you presents and say it is from the Easter Bunny.

Well, I’ll tell you Ranters, in my opinion, he took the news quite well. Then, I took on the next subject. Yes, the big guy himself! …And, yes, I will probably go to Hell for this. So, going off my past success, I told him…

Son, now let’s discuss Santa Claus. I said, Santa was a great man that gave toys to children all around the world! One Christmas in 1961, Santa went down the wrong chimney. He found himself confronted by a group of Hippie War Protesters, high on LSD. Santa did his best to defend himself, but alas, he was out numbered. That was the last we saw of Santa Claus and the last Christmas Santa personally delivered toys to children. In this void and to take up Santa’s original charge, parents, around the world, started pretending that they were Santa Claus. They dressed like him; Put imitators in department stores; And formed the Secret Santa Alliance. All participating parents had to sign legal documents around how to perpetuate Santa’s memory throughout the ages. This, of course, was the Santa Clause. Well, we had to swear a vow of silence as you now have too so the memory of Santa Claus will still live in others (even though, we just killed it in you!).

I looked to my son. Big crocodile tears traversing his face, I realized, maybe I wasn’t so successful with that story!

Let me tell you Ranters, I didn’t even bring up the subject of how the tooth fairy was actually an alliance of dental hygienists who misappropriated funds from the dentist that they worked for. In their shame, they gave portions of that money to the children who lost teeth.

AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON AND FATHER? SHOULD I BE TAKEN TO TASK FOR MY “CRIMES”? What do you think Ranters?

Till Next Time Ranters!

Stop the world -- I want to get off!

OMG! My day started bad and went downhill from there! I woke up with a back ache, did not have a good workout, get into work and find out that my plans have to be reworked because China decided Saturday October 9th is a work day. I'm vilified in a meeting for problems created and controlled by another group. A perfect storm is being formed for this weekend by people who think proactive is something they sell on infomercials to clear up pimples!

I look forward to Friday the 13th!! Heck, I don't think I'm going to make it through Thursday the 12th!

I would take this last-gulp-of-air after coming up for the third time, but I think it will all be Carbon Dioxide from all the hot-air going on!

I think the greatest export of the UK is politics, hot-air, and a flair for the dramatics! They are also good at pushing-buttons, taking pot-shots at people who are not present to defend themselves, and placing the blame on everyone except for who should take it!

I HATE England! Your best export was Dr. Who! ...and you don't even export that until after it has been on the air for 6 months!

Wow! I'm glad to get that off my chest!

Oh well, back to the war!

Till next time Ranters (if there IS a next time!!!)!

FREE Organically Grown Vegetables!

Recently, I was in our break-room at my workplace. I saw an empty basket with the sign, "FREE Organically Grown Vegetables" I thought to myself - As opposed to what? Genetically enhanced vegetables?

When I got a free moment, I went onto dictionary.com to find out exactly what is meant by organic. It gave the following definition:

of, relating to, derived from, or characteristic of living plants and animals

So, this still perplexes me! How do organically grown vegetables differ from non-organically grown vegetables, and -more importantly- why did the author of the sign believe they had to differentiate their vegetables as organic. Were the vegetables still living?

I guess if I worked at a genetics research company, it would make more sense to distinguish between genetically altered versus not. But, I don't work at a genetics plant. I work for a large financial institutions. I don't even know anyone who grows nor had grown non-organic vegetables. What would such a vegetable look like?


Well, this will just have to stay as another perplexing mystery!

Till next time Ranters!

Life's a beach!

Hi ho Ranters,

Pelican Joe and family has visited one of the Carolina's many beaches. I won't mention where we stayed. My wife did not want me to speak ill of them (I think she feels sorry for them).

The place we stayed at had the feel of a well-used hunting lodge, where a place to stay was secondary to the location. Well, in true Pelican Rant fashion, here are the good and bad of our mini-vacation.

The good:

1. Right on the beach
2. Neighbors were fairly quiet and sociable
   
3. Dog friendly
4. The on-sight managers were very responsive
   
5. Not only on the beach, but had a pool and a balcony overlooking both the pool and the beach
6. Close to the local boardwalk and carnival
7. The dog traveled well and was well-behaved
8. The ocean waves were 3-5 feet and fun on a boogie board
   

The bad:

1. Room was dirty, smelly, moldy and all of the other ee's that you can think of.
   
2. Landlord stated that the apartment had a small two burner stove (turned out to be a two burner hot-plate).
3. One sink did not have cold water
4. On the website, it said it had free WIFI. Well, it was one DSL wireless router in the manager's office. The connection was spotty at best and I think the internet pipe was very small (say around 768kps).
5. Parking was off-site.
6. Air-conditioners were old window units (very noisy)
   
7. Had cockroaches and wasps in our unit (dead ones now)!
8. Battery was missing from the smoke detector
9. EVERYONE staying there chained smoked!
10. The lodging was pet friendly, the beach was not.
    

Lesson learned:

Next vacation, the dog goes to a kennel, and we stay at a much nicer place! This way, everyone has a more pleasant respite.

All in all, it was a fun vacation! We ate at some unusual restaurants and consumed local cuisine.





Pelican Joe Quote:

Ocean Beaches would be more fun if they removed the sand, removed the salt, and removed the dangerous sea creatures! Wait, BP is doing that last thing!

Till next time Ranters!

Himalayan Salt Lamps -- They read your mind *(and do your laundry**!)

About 3 months ago, my son was having a hard time sleeping and I was getting a little concerned. While listening to the podcast "Mysterious Universe" the host mentioned that they have been using the Himalayan Salt Lamps and it helped with moods, reduced pollution, helped with sleep and the list went on. They also spoke of credible evidence around the lamp as a negative Ion generator. So, I bought one from Walmart.com.



As with most of my brilliant ideas to help my kids, they did not want anything to do with this lamp! My daughter called it evil and my son did not want it on in his room. So it disappeared for a few weeks.

A couple of days ago, while my wife was redecorating, it was rediscovered and now it is in our room. When the lamp is on, you can feel the hair on your arm tingle. Leaving it on over night, makes it very hard to get up in the morning. I've even noticed that I am remembering my dreams (which did not happen before). This lamp makes my wife sleepy as well and she has mentioned that it is hard to wake up in the morning.

I will update this post from time to time to let everyone know how it is using the lamp over time. Don't want to grow a third arm and not rant it to the world!

So, for now,

Till next time ranters!



* To get the lamp to read your mind, look into it for 30 seconds, then the thoughts you will have is the thoughts the lamp believes you are thinking! 100% accurate with 0% margin of error!

** To get the lamp to do your laundry, first put your laundry in the washing machine, put in the detergent, and press the start key. The lamp interacts with the washer so that your clothes will get just as clean as if you did it yourself! Amazing!