Monday, November 16, 2009


Hi ho Ranters!

Well, I received the dog shock collar in the mail on Saturday. For those interested, here is the link to the collar I ordered. I ordered the collar because my son was physically drug by our dog and we needed an effective method of curing that behavior.

Anyways, we put the collar on the dog and first sign of deviant behavior, the wife presses the shock button and calls "heel". Nothing happens, so she turns up the power setting from two to three. Next time the dog pulls on the leash, the wife calls "heel" again and presses the zapper and again nothing happens. So eventually, she gets the setting up to 6 then realizes that she was not holding the zapper button down long enough. So, she presses and holds the button and the dog yelps and jumps. But, then she did what she was told! My wife immediately turned it back down to 2 where it was much more tolerable, but still annoying and the dog was doing well. A few more times and we can probably turn over the controls to my son (evil laugh placed here).

The only thing I would question about the shock collar was that it had a positive button. What's that for? You are supposed to get your dog positively attune to this sound? It's like pressing the tone and the dog realizes, you could have zapped it instead?

Oh well, the collar got a lot of positive feedback on Amazon. Hopefully it will work out for the long term.

Until next time Ranters!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Quackery! Pure Quackery!

Hi ho Ranters!

Question: Why don't ducks fly upside down?

Answer: Because they would Quack-up!

Well, what does that joke have to do with today's post? If you ask Richard Hoagland, he will probably give you an answer like "In fact using the Hyper dimensional physics model, they do fly upside down. It is only because of the secret organizations within our own government that make us see the ducks fly what you call - normally."

I know what you're saying... "again with the Hoagland bashing? Don't you ever get tired of bashing him?" No!

In the early days of Hoagland's dive into the unknown, he was a respected former museum space science Curator; a former NASA Consultant; and, during the historic Apollo Missions to the Moon, was science advisor to Walter Cronkite and CBS News1. In short, he was credible.

Now, Hoagland believes aliens lived on the Moon and Mars. He believes NASA crashed the rocket into the moon to see how much underground structures exist (taking seismic measurements from equipment left by the Apollo astronauts). He even asserts that NASA accidentally shows part of the structure in the infra-red video taken before the crash. Take a look at the photo. If you can see a structure, then you may have a future in NASA Conspiracies. Here is a link to the photos 1, 2. Here is a link to his theory.

What makes Hoagland dangerous is that to a casual by-stander, he appears credible. His pseudo-science has never been peer-reviewed and his claims are getting more and more on the fringe.

Maybe I'm looking at this in the wrong way. Maybe I should be joining him instead of criticizing! Maybe, I can come up with half-baked theories using my brand of physics called "Tetra-Dimensional Uber Quantum Physics" where I assert that we are not living on a planet, but on a microscopic piece of dust, floating in trans-dimensional space! Oops, a famous Doctor has already made that assertion... I think his last name was Seuss.

Until later Ranters! Remember, only 16 more days until the President of the United States reveals the existence of extraterrestrial aliens!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Rants from the homestead

Hi ranters!

Let's take a little divergence from my usual UFO alien meets bigfoot in a bar routine. I just want to share a piece of my day with you. I usually get up at 4 am and leave for the gym a little after 5. My wife sometimes gets up at 5 or 6 am. This morning, she wakes up at 5 am. Here is part of our morning conversation:

Me: Good Morning
Wife: Morning
Me: Whats wrong?
Wife: I don't know
Me: I forgot to tell you, I have tomorrow off from work
Wife: Darn! Well, don't take this wrong!
Me: How can I possibly take that wrong?
Wife: Well, you're going to mess up my whole day.
Me: Again, how can I possibly take that wrong?
Me: I'm planning on sleeping in.
Wife: Oh no you're not. If I have to get up at 5, then you're going to get up!
Me: I'm sorry I'm messing up your plans, but I had to get up early during the weekend. I need to catch up on my sleep.
Wife: So, I never get to sleep in!
Me: You wake up later than me almost everyday, and you get to take naps during the day! I don't think my boss would take it very well if I took a nap in the middle of the day. By the way, how did this conversation become about you? It is about ME sleeping in on my day off!
Wife: EVERYTHING is about ME! The sooner you learn this, the better it will be for you.

So Ranters, do you think I was totally off base here? I think this could be a Carly Simon song! You know the one. No, not "Nobody does it better"! ... Definitely not "Anticipation"!

Oh well, until later Ranters!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Aliens are coming! The Aliens are coming!


A couple of fun facts. According to Dr. Pete Peterson, President Obama on November 27th 2009 will announce on national TV information about Alien (I should say extraterrestrial) Contact and what the US knows about these Aliens. Meanwhile Acorn is desperately trying to get them registered for the 2012 election!

According to Dr. Richard Hoagland, NASA bombed the moon to get rid of an alien base. You should actually read some of Dr. Hoagland's accusations. They are very well constructed and backed up by his version of science.

I was on one youtube video site that was announcing full disclosure of extraterrestrials on November 27th. I added the comment that it will not happen. Another comment came up in minutes that stated it will happen and that they are airing a new television series called "V" to prepare us for this knowledge. As a big Sci-fi buff, I can tell you that what "V" taught me was:

1) Aliens are lizards that eat people
2) Aliens lie
3) Aliens are pretty political

Yep, that is going to make me go into an alien disclosure open minded!

Until next time ranters,

Live long and prosper! err, correction... Live to 2012 and prosper.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

OpenSource Rant

Hi Ranters!

I've been on a kick to lower monthly expense here at the MAD Pelican house. With losing my job (then finding another one- but at a reduced wage), I need to use technology for what its true potential really is... lowering expenses while enjoying the same things.

First thing I did was increase the bandwidth to the household by switching from DSL internet to Cable. You ask why? Isn't it more expensive? Well, yes and no. my DSL and telephone is $71 per month. My new Cable internet is $59.95 per month. You probably are saying... So? Are you going to sign up for their $24 internet

VOIP (Voice over IP) phone? Well, no. I am going to use a product that has been out since 2005 and has GREAT reviews... Ooma. I've ordered it, but it hasn't arrived yet. Ooma is an easy to set up VOIP system that is completely free after you buy the hub. I will also port my existing phone line to this system so that hopefully, my family won't be negatively impacted.

Second thing is that I want to get rid of my DVR. Don't get me wrong, I love my DVR... My family loves the DVRs, but there are three major drawbacks to my DVRs. -- First, there is a monthly fee (about $11.90). Second, there if something goes wrong with it, they have you reformat the drive and start over -- even though you have some great movies and shows on it. ...And finally, if you switch from your Satellite/Cable operator, they want the machine back (so you lose everything). Oh and as a bonus, if you stay with the same company, you can only record so much before your disk is full!

No more! I want the ability to:

  • record and keep what I'm recording,
  • stop live tv, and
  • be able to add storage as I want!
So, you asked what is the easy replacement to the DVR? Well, I haven't found one. So, why do you even bring this up? Boy, aren't you pushy! Okay, in the past I've participated and programmed in Open Source projects. I thought there must be a DVR replacement in the Open Source community. So, I signed on to the Godfather of the Open Source community ( and searched some terms (DVR, TIVO, HULU, etc), to see what comes up. After all the searches, one project seemed to have the most support (support is key in Open Source projects). This was Mythtv.

I wanted to investigate the possibility of using Mythtv as a replacement for my DVRs, so I went to my usual sources... Wiki, Youtube, and blogs (oh My!). Reading the Wiki of Mythtv was like reading the an IBM redbook. Some good information, but dry, boring, and not very well written text. This was definite

ly not a project for a novice! Not to mention that I would need a dedicated server running the Linux operating system (AARG!!!! All of my servers are Windows XP!). Now, it becomes more complex, there are four main distros (configured versions on different flavors of Linux). Most people would probably have given up by now, the satellite DVR is looking better and better. Also Tivo is only $12.95 per month!

This brings me to my rant of the day (all this is just the set up to your

rant? I could have been watching my soap operas!!!) Open Source! It is GREAT to get free software, but there is a price you DO have to pay! ...and keep on paying. Most people responsible for Open Source projects would like you to use their software, but really don't want to be tied down to explaining everything to you. You have to really dig in and read allot. After you get in, it is not easy getting out... You start speaking their language, understanding their logic. ...And you get involved in this community that really has no concern that you don't really have a personal life. All that matters is the project! Your life is the project! Setup and forget is not a mantra for Open Source. Setup, configure, update, update, tweak, read some more, and attend some conferences are the life of Open Source users. So, with that s

aid, I can be satisfied with the satellite companies DVR, or purchasing Tivo, or purchasing other knockoff products (such as Replay). But, where would be the challenge? So, over the next few months, I'm going to build one of these machines (actually a couple of them -- one backend and a couple frontends).

Wish me luck, because I know that I'm just asking for trouble!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Did Michael Jackson Follow Elvis?

WARNING: Please do not read if you are easily offended!

One of my favorite movies was Men in Black. When Kay was indoctrinating young Jay on who was an alien and who wasn't. One of the lines in the movie went Jay: "You do know Elvis is dead, right?" Then Kay, with a straight face, says "No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home."

Well according to the All News Web site, there was an unidentified flying object over the neverland ranch after Michael Jackson's death.

On March 5th 2009, Michael Jackson gave his final news conference. During this conference Michael told his fans "This is it... and when I say this is it, this will be it". Could he be giving a hint to his fans? Did he know that he was actually going to go back to his home planet? Could he and Elvis be actually from the same planet? I don't know, there is just a lot of coincidences! After all, you know what they say... "Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction!"

All, I'm sorry if I offended anyone! I was just highlighting what Conspirators will be saying years later.... Michael Jackson was an alien. I know this is not true... This is just a sad, sad story of a great performer and his crash from the height of superstar status to carnival freak show. I was not a Michael Jackson fan, but it is sad to see anyone go through what Michael has endured over the last few years.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Out of Work in Charlotte!!!

Well, yesterday was my last day at the bank formerly known as Wachovia! It was sad to say goodbye. I've been there for 3 and 1/2 years and have a lot of friends there. I've got an interview at the other bank in town, but if that falls through, I have no real prospects. It really hasn't sunk in that I'm not going back to work on Monday. I've got a telephone interview on Tuesday and a face to face interview on Wednesday.

There is no real rant here, just I would like to discuss appreciations. People don't appreciate things until they are gone. Why is that? I heard other people complaining that they were laid off and only had x amount of months severance. I was on a contract base there, so I did not get a severence. If those people who are being laid off with a generous severence could take a clue, please know that there are people in worse shape than you. QUIT SAYING POOR ME!!!! What about those people being laid off from minimum wage jobs? I think we need to be truely thankful for what we have and as many people have said -- One door closes while another one opens. If you are crying about your situation, LOOK AROUND, you are not as bad off as some!!!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Rants from a MAD Pelican… Episode 1. Begin with the End!

We have lived through the year 2000 scare.  We also tolerated the May 5th 2000 (planetary alignment hysterics).  Not to mention the Nostradamus “end of the world” predictions.  It seems like every time we turn our head there is another gloom and doom prediction.  Now is no different! 


Presenting …. From the makers of the Nostradamus year 2000, planetary alignment/planetary pole shifting, comes The End of the World Part Deux. … This time, it is going to happen! (in 2012 December 21st to be exact).

(a little scripting joke – if you don’t understand it, I’ll explain it some time).


It is hilarious to listen to the same crazies that are either genuinely afraid or are trying to sell you something, describe these events.  Here is a clip from Fox’s Geraldo Rivera show.   These guys are actually quite sad!  What happens IF the world does come to an end?  Can you tell me “I told you so!”?  If the world does come to an end, THAT will be the ONLY thing I dread!  Oh, wait, IF the world DOES come to an end, and I’m on the world when it comes to an end, doesn’t that mean I will come to an end?  So, in the immortal words of Rosanne Roseannadanna – “Never Mind!”.


If you want to read some more about the 2012 Dooms day prophecy, here are some links:


Or, if you have better things to do, I will definitely understand!!! 


So ends this version of the show!


So say we all!


Till next time, Rant at you later!


Pelican Joe.


Please send ideas for future rants to:

Email –

VoiceMail – 704-464-P-Guy (6489)

Welcome to Rants from a Mad Pelican! -- the Blog

This is where I rant about anything I want.  You may ask who I am.  Aren’t we all asking that question?  

I go by the handle Pelican Joe.  

Then you may ask why Pelican Joe?  Is there something wrong with your nose?  

Well, no.  There is nothing wrong with my nose!  I got the handle originally on a kayaking website.  My kayaks are made by Pelican International.  So, I’ve used this handle for a while. 

 Continuing on with the questions, you may inquire what makes you a Mad Pelican?  Are you angry?  Enraged?  Mentally disturbed?  Affected with rabies?  

No.  Not any of that.  ...Even though, it really depends on the day.  Mad is actually an acronym I use to stands for 

Middle Age Dad.


So, you may be saying to yourself "Is this show is about the ranting of a middle aged father named Joe that has kayaks made by Pelican International?"  Then I would have to say, you are mighty astute (or, I might say talking to yourself is a sure sign of insanity!)!

Now, before you turn me off, saying “I really don’t care about a middle aged dad!”.  Let me say that I will try to keep the show and this blog  a little off-balanced.